A Guide to Being an Attractive Woman

There's an article or online book called Dispelling Beauty Lies that I first stumbled upon around a year ago. It is... a weird text. In its own words:

Dispelling Beauty Lies is the most accurate and comprehensive guide to feminine beauty ever written. If you’re ready for real answers, read on.

The article (blog? book?) is extremely long (some 800+ pages if it were a book), prone to conspiratorial tirades about the lies of the fashion industry, and written in a frankly bizarre font. But at the same time, it is clearly the result of a tremendous amount of research and contains both the most thorough and accurate description of what men actually find attractive as well as the best actionable advice for being more attractive I've ever seen.

As such, I've written this guide to try to capture the wisdom and advice of Dispelling Beauty Lies (or DBL from here on) in a more approachable format. You can always read the original here: www.jsanilac.com/dispelling-beauty-lies/.

Let's begin!

What do men find attractive?

DBL argues that this is a topic where people have strong incentives to lie, either to flatter, to be polite, to signal refinement and class, or to sell you products. So, to know the truth, we must look at what men choose in private with no constraints, in erotic art, sex dolls, and AI images. Which is...

Big tits, thin waists, big butts.

This isn't exactly surprising, but you might understimate how strong this tendency is. Here are some examples men would find very attractive:

In general the pattern is: strong hourglass figures, large breasts (the median preference is actually around an E cup!), round and shapely butts (shape is more important than size), long hair (always), and a combination of curves and youthfulness (with one being able to make up for the lack of the other). Here are a few more examples for you to get a feel for this:

Of course, these aren't particularly realistic beauty standards -- many of these images are literally AI generated! -- and you certainly don't have to look exactly like this to be attractive. But the basic point is important to understand: men like huge tits and exaggarated curves.

Note the contrast with the tall, ultra-thin models common in fashion, which men find much less attractive:

We could lament how men are barbarians and dogs, and there would be some merit to that. But this is the world we live in, and thankfully understanding what men enjoy in private leads to many useful takeways -- which is what we will consider next.

Before that, however, I'll note one more thing: the goal of all this is knowing what men find attractive... and then doing with that knowledge whatever you please. You may ignore it all completely, because you dress to express yourself and not for the eyes of men. Or you may use bits and pieces, in private with your boyfriend. Or you may use all of it to seduce a tall handsome billionare to be your husband. In any case it is useful to know the truth. As the Litany of Gendlin reminds us: TODO: remove?

What is true is already so.
Owning up to it doesn't make it worse.
Not being open about it doesn't make it go away.
And because it's true, it is what is there to be interacted with.
Anything untrue isn't there to be lived.
People can stand what is true,
for they are already enduring it.

What to do?

TODO: everything from here down is a very rough draft and partially ai slop. it will be rewritten completely

Weight

First of all, find your ideal weight. This is not as skinny as possible! The ideal is a slim but soft body, and a slightly rounded belly is ok. Visible abs are not ideal.

Your ideal weight will depend on where your fat goes: the more that naturally goes to your butt, hips and thighs, the higher it will be. If more of your fat naturally goes to your waist instead, your ideal weight will be lower. But you shouldn't worry about todo

Exercise

At the gym you should focus on training glutes and mostly skip upper body work. todo rec re exercises and periodisation

But note, you don't want visibly muscular legs; thighs should taper toward the knee like a vase and be covered by a bit of fat so they're soft.

todo

Clothing

You should also pay attention to clothing, and in particular how it fits:

Other important points

TODO: paragraph about modesty, hot while not being trashy, "can show nipple if small breasts" etc

And again: height, leg length, thigh gaps, nails, handbags, brands, eye color — these actually don't really matter.

Surgery

If you're comfortable with it, a good breast augmentation is the single most powerful way for a slim woman to increase her sex appeal. If you do this, reach your best weight first, then go bigger than the 350cc surgeons usually suggest: ~600cc on an average frame, ~800 max, scaled to your chest width. Some sag is preferred over a high-and-spherical shape. Vet surgeons hard, get three consults, compare their past work to ideal examples.

Never get a breast reduction without real medical need — when polled blind, men preferred the "before" photos, and reader comments called one reduction "vandalism". TODO: style

Nose jobs can transform a genuinely bad nose, but photograph yourself from ten feet before deciding, as arm's-length selfies distort.

Fat transfer waist-to-hips is the elegant tool for an hourglass figure: it shrinks the waist and rounds the hips in one procedure, and erases hip dips.

More generally, it's prudent to make the most of your natural beauty before you consider cosmetic surgery of any kind.

Faces

When it comes to faces, men agree on pretty vs plain, but past that each man has a weirdly specific taste. In fact, when you collect examples of what faces one man finds attractive, they often end up looking like sisters.

TODO: some concretes on what is good, plus a general note like "due to this, indifference often means not matching taste, not ugliness — so don't stress it too much"

Motion

A neglected factor contributing to your attractiveness is how you move. This is very learnable, just by practicing against videos. After which you claim it's natural, of course.

A small sway as you walk can have a powerful effect on men, especially if your posture is good. Walk placing each foot toward your midline to create hip sway — slow, calibrated to context.

Men prefer a butt-out, lower-back-arched-in posture in just about every position and context. Never bend with your back humped up.

Learn a few bounces and sways for private use.

The most attractive facial expressions combine seemingly contradictory elements: fear, pleasure, longing, bashfulness, hopeful uncertainty, embarrassment. Slightly open mouth is usually best; playful pouts and even fake shyness also help. The cold editorial "too good for you" gaze is anti-seductive.

Seduction

Seduction is where the biggest returns hide, and the core misconception is that men want a passive woman to conquer. They don't. Men's fantasies center on women who visibly desire them and act on it unprompted. Men won't ask for what they want because the unprompted offer is the whole point. Violent domination is mostly a female fantasy men perform as a favor. [fantasy frequency data]

Aging: no wall at 30, but strategy shifts. Be bolder and more direct with age. Curves carry an increasing share of your appeal as youthful skin fades, and men into older women want more curves, not fewer, so augmentation pays more later, not less. [milf-tagged imagery skews bustier] Makeup becomes mandatory, hair stays long, sourness is the deadliest aging trait, candlelight is your friend.

The checklist, in order: best weight, makeup always, long hair, waist-fitted clothes, glute training, large augmentation if risk-tolerant, nose job only if clearly needed. Bonus: learn motion, it multiplies everything. And the last rule: unprompted regular cheerful oral outranks every cosmetic intervention combined.

Framing, so this doesn't crush you: beauty is an athletic skill, not your soul's report card. "You're perfect as you are" is the same sabotage as telling a skater technique doesn't matter. Ideals are supposed to be unreachable, they're directions, not requirements. Most women aren't failing from lack of effort, they're pouring effort into targets men never chose: thinness, trends, handbags, elegance. Aim first, then try.